We all have times when we would like advice.  Especially when we have a decision to make, or we want to present an idea or a problem to a partner, a work associate, a boss, a relative or a dear friend.  It’s often difficult to know what to say when the topic is sensitive. Or, sometimes even when the topic is simple.

In this situation, most of us turn to someone for advice.  Whether a trusted friend, a counselor a workplace friend, or even at times a stranger on a bus. 

These ways of figuring out what you want, what you don’t want, and how to say it, are often worse than no advice at all.  Friends, family, counselors, advisors and associates may not see the whole picture the way you understand it. 

It may not occur to you that you have the best expert close at hand: yourself.  You won’t know if you have any answers by just letting things swirl around in your mind.  The best way to pin down what you want to achieve is to have a conversation with yourself first.

You need to know what you, yourself think, especially before soliciting the opinion of anyone else.  It may seem foreign to sit down with yourself and ask “What do I think about this? What do I want? What do I want to avoid?  What outcome am I looking for?  What is my opinion of what other people are saying?

It may seem strange, but taking a few minutes (which you can do in the shower, in your car, while eating alone, or any other time you have a few minutes) to discuss the problem with yourself, but it has advantages:

*You will actually know what you think about the situation.

*You may have a better idea of whom and what to ask.

* You will be able to ask your questions or propose your ideas much more clearly, because you have thought (not just worried) about them in advance.

*You will discover how smart you are when you put your mind to it.

No matter what you want to discuss, or how you feel about it, talking with yourself in a calm and focused way will improve the outcome of any discussion you have with anyone else.

Try it, you’ll like it.

adapted from: It Ends with You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction © Tina B.Tessina, 2014